I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
