i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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