they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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