Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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