I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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