stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
