I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So much rum. So many feels.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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