I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
