the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
