I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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