She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
