I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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