can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
