she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
