I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
