I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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