I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
