I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
