I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
