I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
