The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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