Plan B is the new Plan A
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
