You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
