@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
