At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My ass is underappreciated
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
