remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
