once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So vagazzling was a success
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
