Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
