K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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