Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
