So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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