Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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