I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All the doctor said was why
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
