Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
