If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
