life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
