: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
