I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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