The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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