I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
