ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her

  Fav 48 2906 3580

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.

  Fav 46 1026 7458

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?

  Fav 119 1293 5628

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

  Fav 13 5209 1875

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Fav 19 7988 1595

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.

  Fav 5 1253 3989

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (810): View more from Michigan

  You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

  Fav 4 3693 1170

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?

  Fav 3 1330 782

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"

  Fav 3 1784 825

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?

  Fav 4 829 1172

  share tweet
  

• (260): View more from Indiana

  I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.

  Fav 1 869 566

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.

  Fav 3 834 580

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...

  Fav 0 121 104

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  i think im in europe. pls send help

  Fav 0 113 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.

  Fav 0 69 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize