dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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