Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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