he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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