Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My vagina just clenched in fear
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
