my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
