i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
