I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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