I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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