Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
