11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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