You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
