Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize