who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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