Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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