Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
