and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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