The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
