Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
where am i from again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
