he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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