I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize