I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
