I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
