If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
