I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Randomize
