Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
