Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
