recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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