Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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