in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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