My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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