I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
